09 July 2008

Good Days, Bad Days

I have been feeling totally out of sorts.

Have you ever felt like every little thing you try to do right, is just turning out wrong? No matter how much you resolve to do things better the next time, when next time comes, somehow you still screw up? Work sometimes seems senseless and when the meaningless of it all hits the bone, it just feels crap. Somewhere inside, you know it shouldn't affect you so much but it just does. It consumes you, your every breath.

You've always tried to take things easy, to be positive and cheerful regardless of things happening around you. But when the tiny raindrops beat relentlessly, for what seems like forever, even the toughest of exteriors would finally break down. You let the raindrops fall deep inside you. You let them get the better of you.

Yet even this awareness can't help you get out of your funk. Talking to friends about it usually helps, but it hasn't this time round. Instead, they get increasingly concerned at your attitude and you fear the more you talk to them, you might somehow even screw up your relationships. One by one.

Have you ever felt this way? Anyone?

I think about better days, when spotting and eventually consuming a gigantic Anadara Cockle ( I think that's what they call it) at a small, discreet Japanese restaurant made me grin with glee for the rest of the day.

But today, I just feel like running to the end of the world and screaming my lungs out then collapsing in a heap.

And this video is giving me some ideas. If not the end of the world, then somewhere high, high up would do too.